You're not alone with Autism
I hope the artical below will give you a self-esteem boost and also help reduce meltdowns with the questions and prompts at the end!
Because I have autism, I needed to develop a survival tool kit to fit a bit better into the neurotypical world. I want to share what worked for me, to help others with the same problems. My vlogs and blogs hopefully highlight the less spoken about problems, risks and hacks that unveil autism in a new and brighter light, to those who are unfamiliar with autism.
I also design and develop illustrated resources to improve decision-making skills. In spite of my autism, I have learned (with many back-up plans as my extra safety net) to master a level of precise organization even many neurotypicals would struggle to maintain. Without this lifestyle, I fall apart very quickly and it is difficult to explain to other people that I need a system in place again, and fast. People who don't know me well perceive that the added responsibility of setting up a system is too much for me, as I am not coping already. Ironically, it's all my established systems that make for a happy and busy day. My safety nets enable me rather than ensnare me. Of course I have had a history of OCD but this was just lists and organizing going to the other end of the same scale. Everyone is different and that can be said for everyone on the autistic spectrum too.
Apart from timetabling, meal plans, and other systems to manage the logistics of independent life, the social side is an entirely different ball game. For a start, you have to work from the inside out. You can't change what other people do, or even fully understand what they communicate (or try to hide) with their actions, words and expressions alone. Growing up in a whirlwind of my own hormones (which changed sporadically in my teens because autism delays then "spikes" developments of any kind!), I also had to survive the new social hierarchy and rules at school, and I of course was a prime target for bullying with my combination of social cluelessness and high grades. My mum already had OCD at the time and the "man of the house" had an addictive personality, which led down the dark spiral of domestic abuse. This included a ton of mind-games where rules were twisted just as I thought I'd figured things out. By the time I was 16 I over-thought everything and this naturally manifested into all kinds of disordered behavior including eating issues, lying about everything, and deliberately self-inflicting sleep deprivation.
This extremely destructive lifestyle perpetuated and worsened my unhealthy mindsets, but thankfully, things got so bad and I was so alone, I knew the only person who could really improve things was me. I spent a year looking up motivational speakers and self-help resources. I also took the simplest advice from them and changed my words (I was too weak and muddled to do things like exercise or travel lots at this point). My language change had to be VERY drastic. I avoided absolutes like “always” and “everything”. I kept a complaining jar and used my OCD attitude to my advantage for keeping this track record. Slowly, my perception of life and myself started to change… Years of dreaming about recovery and leading a functional life finally became my reality. Once I accepted my wounds and weaknesses, I could start to deal with them methodically. Once I made friends with myself, other people approached me to become friends. It was an upward spiral from there.
I still find writing things down keeps a measurable record and highlights any bumps I need to address before things backlog and snowball. Over time, I have grown enough confidence to reintroduce, or try new things like food, conversation topics, and exploring places. Occasionally things go wrong or I push myself too far, but I bounce back much quicker now and am still willing to try again.
It sounds a bit sci-fi, but I strongly believe everything we see physically manifest, starts with an idea: aka the mind. If you can start and end life with a healthy mind, your life overall improves in both quality and length. I hope my story has encouraged you- autism is not the full stop or definition of what makes you “you”.
Below are some questions I want to leave you with to help reduce meltdowns.
Is this situation reasonable?
Are other people as stressed as you? They might even have more urgent things happening in their life than yours.
Are you the only one to have ever felt like this?
Are you the only one to have ever had to do or go through this?
Is it likely?
What options do you have?
Will it last forever?
Will this affect you this badly by tomorrow?
How about in a weeks/months/years time?
Can you feel your feet? (If “no”, find a place to sit down. Avoid stamping or walking, and place hands firmly on a solid railing or wall).
Can you count to 10? (Then count to ten- don’t just say yes!)
Can you remember why you are here?
Can you see an exit sign or someone in a uniform that matches with the brand of this location?
Are you hot or cold? (Take off or put on a jacket accordingly).